The Indian daughters in Law: What goes wrong in the adjustment process after marriage?

When a girl gets married in India, there is one most common piece of advice given to her.

“You have to adjust in the new environment that you are moving to. It is your responsibility that you keep everyone in your new family happy”.

Then as she enters her new home which is often a completely unfamiliar and unknown environment, all the eyes are set on her, all expectations are made from her and her only. She is judged and rated at every step that she takes [even on things that she cannot change. For example her physical features]. The fact is that because the girl is often very nervous and less experienced to know all the “rules”, it is natural for her if she makes some silly mistakes or fails to come up to the many expectations from her.

The Question:

Is it the only the newly wed girl’s responsibility to adjust to the change which came about by marriage? Is the family that she newly became a part of, not equally responsible for it?

When a marriage happens (especially in the Indian context) it is not only the couple who is undergoing a change of life. It is often the whole immediate family members who are entering a new phase of life. Because there is a change in everybody’s life, it might be rational to say that everybody should be equally responsible for taking the plunge into the adjustment process and not just the new bride. In reality, the newly wed girl is responsible for this adjustment and if anything goes wrong, she is held for it without any major thought given to the situation. It is worth noting that anyone in the family who is “genuinely interested” in having a happy family and life long of sweeter relationships, should take his/her share in this adjustment to change.

Some points worth noting in connection to the above question:

1. Often in a marriage the girl who has just got married is in a minority position. She has to face a majority of people in her new family.

2. The girl is likely to be young, less experienced and nervous.

3. If the adjustment process will be shared by everybody in the family equally, the adjustment and the relationships will be highly likely to be much better.

4. It is irrational and baseless to have one sided expectations when the relationships are always two/multi sided.

I am sure you too, like me have seen so many families which end up breaking or end up having most the bitter relationships. May be this is one major reason for it ? What do you say ?

Image courtesy : cgtantra.com and google image search.