Three preliminary steps to finding "peace of mind"

Each being in this world , only desires one thing - "Happiness". He tries and tries multiple ways to achieve the simple little things in life. And happiness does come, but goes away soon. Thus the effort for achieving "something" begins once again !!!  This is a never ending process.  

This race with self, time and the world can be understood in technical language as 

 "self actualization".    Some people know it as "Nirvana"

And every being, somewhere deep inside, drives for  it. Even if they are not specifically aware of it.

This is an effort to grow and motivate  others grow...grow Together.

To COGNIZE  is to perceive, become conscious, grow - check it on Dictionary.com

Preliminary Steps for finding 

peace of mind  (and Hence, the goals of this place) :

- To "think" , think and think

Choosing to think and ponder over issues means that one has chosen not to ignore them. If one chooses to deliberately think about things, in the end, they will always find the "true" answer to the questions and issues at hand.

- To "question" our own beliefs and that which are widespread in the society.

   To simply accept what is going on around oneself and inside oneself is not like a "growing person". Beliefs are formed  due to many factors. It is a sign of a "mature mind" that  they learn to question their own beliefs again and again.

Because, what was true yesterday in a given situation might not be true today, the situations might have changed. The goal is to be skeptical of everything and accept them only after inspection.

To keep up with the "law of change" one has to keep questioning belief systems.

- To "analyze"  life and every aspect that touches it.

    Thinking about and questioning all aspects of life is a part of analysis. However to complete the process in a proper manner one has to be able to do it in an "Un-Biased" manner. Being unbiased, truthful and honest to self is very important in this search for the reality, the truth.

Therefore , in the midst of a busy, stressful life to find a way for  "Self realization".

Remember, these are the very basic and preliminary steps to finding peace. If you follow these steps, at first you might be facing trouble, but at the end of the road, you WILL find peace, provided, you are prepared to walk till the very end. There are no gains without pains  :)

You might also consider reading this.

              

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Ladies !! Why not pray to Hanuman "Bhaiyya" ???

My lifelong search for the supreme power has led me to a way of life different from "idol worship". But I respect all those who practice it.

This post is for those people who believe in "a particular"  Hindu God and and are devout worshipers.  Some adore "Ganpati" (symbol of wisdom and trouble remover), some "Laxmi" (the symbol of prosperity), some adore "Saraswati" (the symbol of knowledge and education) and some others pray to Lord "Hanuman" -  the western world knows him as the "monkey God"  and he is the symbol of strength, power, wisdom, friendship. This post is for Devout Hanuman worshipers.

Now the thing is that Hanuman is said to have been "Bal Brahmchaari" (a celibate, since birth) some people who believe in Hanuman and worship him, also believe that it is only for men to worship him and women "MUST" keep away from his thoughts or his worship.

MY QUESTION : 

Why should women keep away from worshipping Hanuman just because he was a Brahmchaari OR celibate ? Is there only one kind of relationship between men and women ??

Logically, if a woman is being raped and she urges Hanuman for help, what kind of reply do you think he would give : 

" I will not help you because you are a woman"

Or 

"yes my dear sister/daughter even before you tell me, I will fight all the evil to protect all the innocent"

Which reply seems more likely to you ??

My conclusion, there is nothing wrong with the concept of women worshiping hanuman.

Why I made this conclusion, the points are listed below for further thought :

1.  A "brahmchaari" is a person who keeps away from sexual relationships.  But this does not mean that brahmchaari's do  not have sisters, mothers, adopted daughters and so on...

 So a Bramhchaari or a Baal-Brahmchaari can very well have women in his life with all the other relationships but not sex.  Hanuman, was no different.

2. Hanuman had a very good relationship with  "Sita" who was a woman and Ram's wife. He called her "sister- in law" with respect. (Literature says so) . Infact he even offered her to take her with him from Raavan's palace back to where her husband was waiting for her. This point supports my point number one. 

3. Hanuman is the protector of "good" and he fights evil. he will do it without any kind of discrimination because discrimination itself promotes evil.

If you think I have missed something, please make a comment and add your suggestions.

Mistakes we make....

As human beings we all make mistakes. When we look back at life, we realize that

some mistakes we made were more serious than some others. 

It is only human to make mistakes... It  takes a "growing mature human"  to acknowledge those mistakes and accept them at the intellectual and emotional level.  

Some people prefer to hide the mistakes they make from their younger ones , even from themselves by denying ("Denial" is a defense mechanism that all human beings use, this use is reduced in some mature human beings).

But human beings tend to take for granted that : 

1.  Truth will always come out in one way or the other

2.  They are constantly setting example for their young one's by how they choose to live their life.

3. Even if we hide it/deny it,  out behavior has and will always have an effect on out personality, it is better that we acknowledge the facts and change the course of life towards having a clear (er) conscience...

Yes,  when we are not used to doing this, it seems obviously a difficult job. But it is very important that by doing the right behavior we set an example for those are younger to us, specially our direct descedents.

To err is human; to forgive, divine.
Alexander Pope

PS : I have posted the pics in both English and Hindi ,

the two languages I seem to know the best :)

The love for animals

There are some people who love animals, there are others who don't. Then there are some who work very passionately for animals, the reason they say - We Love them ! Understandable, they love them so they help them. But we all have friends who think they love animals, but also indulge into actions which are harmful or hurting to them. They love animals, but seldom/never become a part of their welfare. How is that ? So I started searching the answer to this question, is this love for animals or just Fascination for animals ?

PS : Just a reminder, Love and fascination both are positive emotions.

 After my search I deduced these two main points of thought:

Love:We all have some loving relationships in life, so we all have experienced what love is, and how one feels in it. I think you will agree that in love what gives the most amount of  joy is "to give". We do expect returns, Yes, but to give to someone we love gives us special contentment and bliss.And to give and make the other happy is the primary feeling in love.

Fascination:Whereas in fascination or mere liking, the primary feeling is the joy that people derive in being with their beloved.So talking in context of animals, they are really happy and impressed in animal company or looking at animal behavior.They appreciate the unconditional love that animals are known to give. But this is not love for animals because the the primary feeling here does not involve the feeling "to give", even at the cost of some personal sacrifice. 

Love : As I said above in love we want to give to the beloved. There is also another opposite extreme to this.When we love, will seldom "consciously" (if ever) indulge into behaviors which we know are going to harm our beloved. Their suffering or pain  will also give us pain which we all want to avoid at all costs, unless we know that this pain is temporary and in the long run it will be beneficial for our beloved.

Fascination : As we know that many people who think that they love animals also indulge into other behaviors which are harmful to animals like eating them, wearing their skins etc.. This behavior is at the other end of "the feeling to give". This is not just the lack of the feeling to give but the "feeling to take" is rated so high here that, it can hardy be called love for animals Whether this can even be called fascination is the question ?

People fascinated by animals :

• It can be very easy to get confused between the two feelings because both are positive. And it involves some analytical thinking and introspection to understand and differentiate between the two.

• What they really mean when they say that "We love animals" is that we are "fascinated by animals". 

• What they want to say is that animals are charming, cuddly little beings whom we appreciate and like.

Attack On Mumbai

Many families who were already suffering in the pains of having lost their loved ones by brutal murder in the name of religion are now joined by some more !!! How helpless do we feel in such situations.I am referring to the terror attack on Mumbai on July 13, 2011. Three blasts took place all within about 10 minutes and in very crowded and important places of Mumbai - Opera house, Dadar west and Zhaveri bazaar. 

It takes years to construct  but only a few seconds to destruct ! Sometimes I wonder at the variety of Human Psyche. There are some who go beyond everything to keep Humanity alive, others just live to earn money not necessarily being bothered by other's pains. But there has to be some "brain Virus" that some actually feel content after killing the people innocent and unknown. Whatever the mission is, is it greater than the Conscience ? Some people have a highly awakened conscience, some can have  an idle conscience but these guys seem to have no conscience !!

With time though at least some things have changed for the good. Now with the advent of technology and with increased reach to it, people are finding new ways of helping each other in times of crisis. 

I came to know that this time people used social networking site "Twitter" to help those in dire need of it.From passing emergency contact information to. posting  urgent messages like "B positive blood required at so and so hospital". I got to know about this news from an Indian news channel called  "CNN IBN". But it not just CNN IBN that reported this but also other major channels like Star news , The times of India .

This was an emergency situation alright. But at other times too a helping hand was offered aided by technology and such efforts are more than  noticeable.Like in Facebook, I keep coming across some altruistic groups who not only gather people and make online communities for different causes but also Raise money for charity ! So they almost work like Virtual NGOs. 

As much as I feel sad about the people who lost their family members, from the medium of this write up I also want  thank all those people involved in the good work from wherever and however possible. If you the reader were also the one who helped, Thank you ! 

A Tiger in the woods...

My friend Tim shared with me this conversation that he recently had with a tiger in the woods. Tim had forgotten to take a weapon and got lost in a jungle.They both were trying to reach a conclusion through this dialogue. I thought of sharing it over here with all, just so that all mature humans can consider both perspectives :




Tiger : (finding Tim) Looks like I am going to have a feast today !




Tim :  Oh no no, please let me go, I have a family. Besides look I am here without a weapon. I wasn't here to kill anyone.




Tiger: Do you think I am fool ? You human beings do not even spare each other, how do I believe you had plans to spare us incase you came face to face with one of us. You must have forgotten the gun at home. I know your brothers have been killing my brothers mercilessly many times for joy and sometimes for fear. We only kill for need not for greed ! Last month alone two of my brothers were burnt alive and my sister was beaten to death in your community !




Tim : Dont you see, they should have not come to our place, We get scared to death in your presence, and we have the right to defend our families and friends. (Tim easily evades the answer to hunting).




Tiger : And why do you think they had gone to your place ?? Certainly not to have a feast with you ! You humans destroyed our home...if you do that, where do we go ? Left with no choice for shelter or  food sometimes, some of us wander away to Unsafe places... just like you have wandered today. Given the superior brains that you guys have,and the ability to plan and progress,  wouldn't it be good that you help us instead of killing our families ? Do you not feel the slightest of guilt for what you do ?




Tim : not all Humans are so insensitive. There are some who are enough God fearing to let you be safe while also taking care of their community. There are many in my community who are involved in helping animals. The news about "Saving Tiger" is now making rounds in human communities.Don't you know a about it ?




Tiger : Yes I know there are some who have dedicated their life to us too (indirectly it benefits the humans too). But we are still being killed for the reasons but GREED - taste, hobby, what you call a sport, commerce and what not ! Why should I spare you ??




Tim : If you kill me, tomorrow this will be the news ! And your community will get a bad name. Think about it.




Tiger : I know, if we kill for  hunger which is a need, we get a bad name and if you kill for greed, that is justified. Just because we Do not have a voice, money, fame or Vote, do we deserve this injustice ? We still have emotions, we are still capable of feeling hurt.
When you kill our babies in front of our eyes, CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT WE GO THROUGH. I am not referring to any isolated cases...your people do this on a regular basis !




TIM : Oh Tiger, I know there are lots of Unethical behaviors that my community does on a regular basis to your animal community  (and to human community itself). But believe me, I knew about  hunting for food and pleasure but I wasn't really aware of the other things that you mentioned ! Killing babies in front of mothers ! GOSH !




Tiger : Okay, I can believe you on that, no don't get surprised !  I know since we do not have a voice, there are few to whom this thought would occur. The welfare of animals is anyways something most of you people looked down upon, as something not as necessary.


With all this talk, I now feel depressed thinking about my lost friends and family. I spare you ! GO Away, leave us alone in our little home. WE DO NOT ASK FOR MUCH. Just the right to live with Dignity.




TIM : We humans are so lost in worrying about our life or partying that we seldom think about the consequences of our actions on this world that we live in. Look, I have been used to eating animals and hunting  since childhood. Today as I came across you, needless to say for the first time in my life, I AM GETTING AN INSIGHT  as to really how mature and intelligent animals can be !


This experience has changed me as a person for ever !




Tiger : Now that's what we call  true HUMAN ABILITY. We know you guys alone are capable of HIGH LEVEL THINKING, and no one can change the world the way you can. But you simply don't make the full use of your potential. I am glad you at least think that this experience changed you. See if you can pass this information to others. YOU WILL DO A GREAT FAVOR TO MOTHER EARTH.

Tim : Tiger friend, do you know we have a huge organisation of international fame called "United nations". I heard they have reported saying that our non-veg diet is ONE MAJOR CAUSE OF GLOBAL WARMING. Now when I go back to my home, I will make it a point to spread the word around and may be even join some other people who are trying to do some good to the world.




Tiger : Okay then, I will go my way..




Tim an Tiger both go away their ways, none ditches the other's trust :)  

Image Courtesy :  World Of Stock.com

Choosing a perfect Life Partner

We all need a life partner who can share the joys and sorrows of life with us. A life partner is a person who will occupy a very important place in our life. A person with whom we like to walk till the very end of the road.. We all want our life to be as close to "an ideal life" as possible and we all have our opinions about what an ideal life is. Because of the amount of  impact this person is going to have on our life, and the position he/she will hold for us, we want to be so sure that we find the best partner or should I say, a "perfect partner".

So what do we typically look for in a partner ?? Men and women have different parameters to consider in their prospective partners. Psychologists have spent years researching this topic and these are some of the points they concluded :

Most women predominantly get attracted to men who :

- Have power
- Are rich
- have a strong status in the society.
- are physically strong.

Most men predominantly get attracted to women :

- who are have a symmetric face.
- who show signs of good health
- who have a good waist to hip ratio :) (waists being narrower and the hips being broader).


 Let me also point out  that these selection factors that I mentioned above, happen in the heads of the people unconsciously, and they are not necessarily aware of such thoughts and processes.
Choices and preferences still vary from people to people. The more they are in an ideal (or at least imaginary ideal) positions, the higher the standards for their prospective life partners are likely to be.

So,we now know why women and beauty and men and power were overly paired together always !! :) But we also know that such a strong association which is done without complete conscious awareness, can lead to serious personality problems in some members of  society. This is just one reason why we need to look beyond perfection in people.

When we look at people as prospective partners, we are sure to find something in their personality which we dislike. We always have things about ourselves, our friends, family members, that we wish we could change. If we really look closely at people we know, how many of us can really claim to know a person who is perfect ?? Perfect in a sense, without ANY flaws ! I think most people will agree that finding such a person is only next to impossible !!

As I have always said, we all have this knowledge, but it not the knowledge but the awareness or "cognizance" that counts. Just like any change is difficult to accept a change to our marital status in the society, being associated to a new person too can sometimes be a little difficult for some people irrespective of the partner's social status. (here I am specially referring to arranged marriages).

There can be no perfect person, only near perfect matchmaking. How close the match is to perfection, depends largely on the two people involved in it.Therefore the threshold and meaning of perfection have to be seriously considered.
Wiser people will know this and will accept a person with his/her flaws so that they can also expect to be accepted the same way :) Wise people will learn this the hard way.. and there will still be others who will have so much of a problem learning this truth that, they will never be able to enjoy life to the fullest !.


Image courtesy : Google images

I am missing India !

American Junk Food

Indian Junk Food

It has been five months since I came to USA and now I am missing India like anything. May be other people who are away from their respective countries also feel the same ? That is why I  thought of expressing myself here on my blog. I was born in Mumbai and brought up over there itself. India is a big and a diverse country. I was lucky enough to have traveled many places in India with my parents over all these years. Travel being one of my hobbies I now miss the beautiful places that I saw in India.There is yet much to see and experience for me in America. But the way in which both places are beautiful is different I guess. Also, it is not easy to adjust in a country other than the one where one is born and lived all their life.Before I left India in June 2010,  I was very excited to come to the US. This was only the second time I was going to get to see another country (first one being Nepal which was geographically and culturally very close to India). I was also somewhat afraid of getting a culture shock which I never suffered ultimately  :)

Though the list is long I am trying to present a compressed one here (this list is of course besides the family and friends) :

What I miss about India :


1. Places of tourist interest, the Indian hill stations, mountains and rivers particularly of north India.


2. Eating the Indian chaat (Indian junk food) like paani puri, ragda, samosa and bhel....ooohhhhh !! (I knew I am going to miss it so I had lots of it before I left India)


3. The Indian railways which I extensively used to travel around India. (including the suburban rail of Mumbai minus the crowd).  :)


4. The monsoon of Mumbai.


5. My lovely stray babies in India whom I could have helped if I was there.


What I love about USA :


1. The dignity of labor


2. The polite nature of most Americans.


3. The freedom in this culture.


4. Equality.


5. The organisation in every place that I see around.


Image Courtesy : Google Images

Mothers Who Were Never Pregnant !!

The word I like to utter again and again and again non stop is "mummy" or "mommy" . This word by itself is very sweet. I think most of you will agree with me ?

What makes the word so sweet.. the sound of it ? I think it is the feeling that the word gives us just as we utter it that makes it so beautiful. The feeling of being cozy, being in a very safe place - her laps, being loved and kissed endlessly :) Who will not like to be cared like this ? Without doubt nobody on earth can replace mothers :)

But who is a mother ? The woman who gives birth to a child ? I think there is more meaning to this word. I have seen many people working tirelessly towards fulfilling needs of others who were not necessarily born to them. Many a times it is as selfless and unconditional too. So what if they have not given birth to the one they care for, I think it is motherly love and care that matters the most. Sadly, many times society does fail to realize the importance of many such people living in their very neighborhoods. I think, They need to be respected and loved just like a mother is respected and loved. In fact, I think most of you will agree that this kind of motherhood is much more difficult. Consider how easy or difficult it is it to be around a very ill person (who is not your biological child) and is bedridden for a few days and needs someone to be there with them ?

Social workers - Who are not working for money, contribute their psychological and physical resources to taking care of any particular given group. Yes, sometimes altruism is not the sole motivating factor for some, but why should the rest be punished ?Many social workers actually undergo tremendous pain in life for the work that they do for the needy . Yet sometimes fail to get recognized for their sacrifices and selfless motives !! I think recognition of their efforts is very important for the benefit of the society.

In fact many cultures like Christianity and Hinduism even have words like "Mata" (means mother in Hindi) and "Mother" referring to non biological mothers.Well, The first name that comes to my mind is Mother Teressa.

Image coutesy : Google images

Is this really a virtual world ? - Dedicated to Indian Home Maker and her daughter "Tejaswee"

I have always been calling the internet the virtual world. The friends I made there, I called the friends of the virtual world. Most often I do not meet face to face with my friends of the virtual world. With some such friends I share lots of interests, habits and hobbies too.We make all kinds of friends on the internet, some get more connected to us some are less connected. But there are some people who have something in them which allows other people to trust them more. I had no idea that the bonds with people whom we have not seen or spoken can be so strong !!

Only yesterday night when I came to know about the death of one of my blogger friend's teen aged daughter , I realized this.The Indian Home Maker (popularly called IHM), a very liked and famous blogger. Tejaswee was her daughter. I did not know her name, I never saw her. When yesterday night I came to know of this recent tragedy in her life, I suddenly realized how much I felt connected to her.This was the first time I saw her daughters face, came to know about some facts of her life.

From what I know of IHM through her posts, her thoughts and her conversations with me , I am sure Tejaswee was one person whom we all desperately needed with us here. It is difficult to explain how I felt. I then introspected about my connection with IHM and decided to write about it.

Two of Tejaswee's writings that I liked the most, I am creating a link for them.

1. A letter to the future (that she wrote for her future daughter).

2. On growing old and dying early.

No matter what I do , what I say, I know I cannot reduce your pain IHM...I just want you to know that I too am one of the many persons who love you for the kind of person that you are. I want to share your pains with you.

P. Sainath in an eye opening speech in Toronto :

Hi Friends, this my first post after my marriage and again after a long time ! This time I am want to share with you something that was en eye opener for me. This is a video about 55 minutes long by the renowned Journalist Palagummi Sainath. He gave this speech in Toronto, Canada in March 2010.

All of you who are interested in the issues such as economics, use of the world resources,food shortage of the world, world poverty,farmers of India, development of India and like issues, I assure you, You will not be disappointed listening to him. :)

For all others it is an analysis that we must consider listening and sharing :)

Please click on the video to open it in a bigger window on youtube.

Education just for money ?

Anuj (an imaginary name) is a very well read man. His general knowledge is very good and the number of books in his home is unmatched with the average man. He has even earned a prestigious degree. You ask him one question and he is most of the time in the position to answer more than you expected :)

But if you watch him carefully, you will find him spitting on the road and throwing away anything waste anywhere in the public place. He could not manage having healthy relationship with his immediate family members. He lacks Assertiveness. In other words... his behavior is not the kind which one could exemplify to the younger generation and even fellowmen.

THE QUESTION/S :

Is Education a mere collection of data and information in this personal computer called brain?

Or is it meant to be showing up in people's very subtle behaviors? Is getting a high paid job the prime reason behind being/getting educated?

Is making a good family/society/life not a major reason?

Well, this is what Wikipedia has to say about the word education.

I think, when we call someone an educated person or for that matter when we call ourselves educated we rarely ever think of this word "education" beyond the collection of degrees and general knowledge. I think the meaning and implications of this word has frequently changed in this competitive society.

But why is it important to consider the appropriate meaning and of this word "education" ? Simply because it has a very very important and wide impact on the society and its ways. We want an educated society so that we have a healthy and a happy society with lesser problems. But if we happen to limit the meaning and implication of this word to mere collection of degrees then we shall have more people in the society who have never assimilated the good things that they learned in school and college. If the learning does not get assimilated then it will not show up in behavior, taking us to a society which is highly "paper educated" but lesser truly educated. And that is what is happening to us today slowly as we progress in numbers.

That is why we have so many educated people who still believe in (and practice very seriously) behaviors like sex selection of the offspring, wife battering, inequality of all kinds, violence,(both physical and psychological which is very common), mismanagement of public properties such as throwing away of religious waste in water bodies, creating noise pollution and graffiti on our historical walls, unhealthy relationships and so on...

Like, I would like to share a happening that I can relate to this post very well. It was Diwali 2009, and little children were playing firecrackers. Then I saw some nearby children (of people who live below poverty line) coming to our building and sitting in one corner of the compound - the reason of them coming there as I understand was that, their parents could not afford to buy those cracker toys for them and so they were attracted towards (at least)watching the other children play ! Since it was a party that we (as a community) arranged we had dinner too. One sweet lady from our community offered something to eat to one of those children. And the other said to this sweet woman -"aap log hi aise logon ko sar par chadhaate ho !! " ( (Approximate meaning it is people like you who encourage such people !!)

So the choice is ours !! What kind of a society do we want for us and our next generation?



Image Courtesy: photobucket.com

Are you reluctant to critics and critisism ?

What's your most common reaction to criticism  directed towards you?

Some people associate being critical with being less faithful , less sincere and such other negative feelings. But the question at hand is that is it really so ?

Personally for me, I have noticed when someone/something is very near and close to me I feel more free to be critical of that person or thing. For example, Let me begin with myself .. I think I am biggest critic of my own personality, and I do this purposefully in order to grow. No criticism , no growth for me (But I also remember to take care of the positive points). Same holds true for my loved ones, my work, some of  my close friends, and everyone/everything that I think is close to me and is mine !

But  when it comes to giving an ear to criticism it's not that easy for everyone, I guess first we need to analyze if it is really important to us and then we need to also "learn the art of accepting criticism". Since I am such a big critic, It's easy for me to critically analyze all things that are around me. When I do that I am almost always doing it because I love the one I criticize and I do it with the goal of growth in my mind :).  Once I was talking to my friend about my country and it's many shortcomings,  (who I later realized was not so open to listening to my criticism and took it not as a  token of my love for my country but otherwise) where I was comparing it to another  more developed nation...and it was not taken in good spirits of course. Then I gave a thought to the whole situation and questioned myself.... was I wrong ? I have noticed so many people getting on their nerves when they listen to ANYTHING negative about what is their own or what they associalte with their identity.

My question is that if we remain so anti criticism, how the hell on earth do we expect ourselfs to improve ? Then the only other way out is to not improve !!   :) 

There are two major beliefs that are anti criticism :

1. Some people seem to believe that criticizing or listening to any criticism for someone/something that is their own is equal to being unfaithful or insincere. Such people react very emotionally to criticism and are less likely to "GROW"  from it. For example : I know of a man who just knows many of his fathers shortcomings but always denies them when confronted. 

2. Some people believe that Criticism is something that is negative and bad. They have probably always overlooked its benefits and uses.

Some points in this regard to consider :

1. We all play the critics at some point or the other for someone or the other.

2. Criticism can be difficult to accept (at least immediately) but if taken in the right spirits can be really helpful in the development process.

3. All criticisms are open to either acceptance or rejection but before accepting or rejecting a piece of criticism, we need to analyze it RATIONALLY.


4. Those who can accept criticism and give a thought over it, are most likely to be very confident people.


5. Criticism as a growth technique should not be offered (or should be sparingly offered) to people who have a low self image or a low confidence as it might lead to more problems instead of help !

I found this article on ehow about  how to deal with criticism , for anyone who might be interested.

By the way, this blog and the blog post/s are open to critics and criticism, In fact they are welcome !!!  :)

Image courtesy : Photobucket.com and Google image search.

Understanding the meaning of "SAAT- PHERE" (seven steps) in a Hindu marriage

I was born in a Hindu family. Since my childhood I have always seen various Hindu customs and rituals being performed. I have been to so many Hindu marriages of my relatives and have seen the same or similar rituals being performed in all of them. But I rarely understood the deep meaning that these rituals are supposed to have, the reason why they are being performed since ages. I rarely saw the pundit (The priest) explaining the meaning and significance of these customs while being performed.

I am not very aware of customs and rituals because personally I follow the religion of “Humanity”. For me the customs and rituals are less important as long as the person follows a “good character” (which all religions advise, though what constitutes a good character varies) and understands his or her own potential as a Human being.

Since I feel a social responsibility to do certain rituals, then it becomes my responsibility to first understand them beforehand because I will hate to follow them blindly! Keeping in mind that my own marriage ceremony is to be held in near future, I began to search for the answers for the questions I had in mind regarding the rituals that I will be expected to perform for my marriage.

Hinduism being a symbolic religion, most rituals and ceremonies have a symbolic meaning to them therefore, just performing the act is going to make no sense until the meaning of it is well understood. Anything done without this understanding, is supposed to be “Blind Faith”. Many times when I asked the seniors for the meaning of a particular ritual they would either get offended of they would say things like “It is to be done because it’s being done since ages and we are sure there is a meaning to it”. Yes, I am sure there is a meaning to it, but my concern is that anything done without its proper knowledge can be even harmful….for example: How do you know you are doing it the right way? If it’s done without reasoning and understanding then, it is blind faith and hardly has any meaning!!

Originally the Hindu-Vedic systems were very scientific in nature. They even did not discriminate between men and women, however this practice is very prevalent now by the people who do not fully comprehend the religion. I attempted to understand the meaning and significance of what I will be doing in a few months. “Saptpadi” OR “Saat Phere” which translates as “seven steps” in English is considered to be the most important custom of a Hindu marriage (and now I know why), so I dedicate this article to the same.

The “VARMALA” OR “Jaimala” is the ritual where the bride and the groom put garlands around each other’s necks. This signifies that the two persons have chosen each other as life partners. This is essentially a ritual performed by “Kshatriyas” (The warrior caste) in ancient times, however now I see it being performed in all Hindu marriages I attend.

Another very important ritual is “Kanya Daan” Which translates as “giving away one’s daughter to the groom [“Kanya means girl and “Daan” means “donation”].This ritual is performed by the father of the bride or the father figure in his absence. The groom recites Sanskrit Shloks about love. [Shlok is a small stanza usually in Sanskrit]

But the most important of all Hindu marriage rituals is “SAPTAPADI” referring to “SAAT PHERE” in general Hindi now-a-days. This ritual is the core of the whole marriage ceremony and couple is considered as married just by performing this ritual alone.

Saat Phere:

How it is done:

Some older person of the family ties a knot with one end of the bride’s clothing and one end of the groom’s clothing. Then they stand up to take seven rounds around the fire [called the Agni Kund in Hindi] one by one. These rounds are taken as the priest reads certain Sanskrit Shloks to bless the couple. The picture below shows the knot symbolizing the “Sacred wedlock”

The rationale:

“Fire” Or Agni is considered as Very pure and sanctified. Also, the Qualities of fire are such that, no matter how many times it is lit, yet it remains “immortal” and “young forever”. This is why I have seen people in almost all major religion of the world – Hindus, Muslims, Christians, and Buddhist and more… all use fire in one way or the other for their worship. Amazing!! How fire is considered important by multiple beliefs systems.

The term “Agni Pariksha” is commonly used in Hindi language which refers to “a very difficult exam”. Coming back to the point, because fire is considered to be so pure, immortal, young and sanctified, it is used as a symbol for the couple to solemnize their marriage with the seven promises. This is called “Agni Sakshi” which means “fire is the witness”. The promises thus made are considered to be immortal and the couple is expected to be MOST truthful and honest to each other in making these promises. Despite which, I am so sad to see so many promises being broken, where the wives are killed, beaten and tortured either psychologically or physically or both. And some husbands too!!

What are the seven promises: (Credit for this section goes to “Wikipedia”).

With the first phera, the couple invokes the Gods for the plenitudes of pure and nourishing food and a life that is noble and respectful.

With the second phera the couple prays for physical and mental strength and to lead a healthy and peaceful life.

The third phera is taken for the fulfilment of spiritual obligations. The Gods are invoked for blessing the couple with spiritual strength.

The fourth phera is taken for the attainment of happiness and harmony through mutual love and trust and a long joyous life together.

The fifth phera is taken to pray for the welfare of all living entities in the entire universe and for begetting noble children.

The sixth phera is for bountiful seasons all over the world. The couple prays for bountiful seasons and seeks that they may go through these seasons together, just as they would share their joys and sorrows.

With the last phera they pray for a life of understanding, loyalty, unity and companionship not only for themselves but also for the peace of the Universe.

In North Indian weddings, the bride and the groom say the following words after completing the seven steps:

"We have taken the Seven Steps. You have become mine forever. Yes, we have become partners. I have become yours. Hereafter, I cannot live without you. Do not live without me. Let us share the joys. We are word and meaning, united. You are thought and I am sound. May the night be honey-sweet for us. May the morning be honey-sweet for us. May the earth be honey-sweet for us. May the heavens be honey-sweet for us. May the plants be honey-sweet for us. May the sun be all honey for us. May the cows yield us honey-sweet milk. As the heavens are stable, as the earth is stable, as the mountains are stable, as the whole universe is stable, so may our unions be permanently settled.

Thanks for reading !!