Self behavior observation- Tools for introspection

This is Essentially an update to the last post "Where to ask questions" on "We Cognize".
This is an attempt to try and find an objective and truthful answer to the question posted in that article. For clarity's Sake, you can read the question again, below :

"The Question :

Am I growing into a weed OR  a useful plant ? "

(might be a harsh, yes, but asking it is important for self development).

As you might understand, answering this question honestly and in an unbiased way, requires some serious introspection. Reading this article might help in gaining more information about "introspection". Introspection, I think is a very important tool for self development but fewer people tend to use it.

 I would like to add a word of caution here though. Please do not come down to an outright conclusion about your self or your life because our opinions about our self can be biased. One has to be prepared to give up all the beliefs about oneself, be skeptical, if at all one is willing to progress in the right direction.

 Man usually likes to believe what is  more pleasant and less painful rather than going to the bottom and finding the truth, because the truth, by nature, might be hurting and it takes a whole lot of time and effort to find. As a result some times people can have a bloated image of self or on the contrary have trouble with accepting self. 

Both of which are usually results of bias. This kind of painful search is always required to get one acquainted with self and the world and the universe. It all can be summed up as gaining "Self Awareness". And there are no gains without pains.

For Introspection, one does not really require any external tools. The basic requirement is just two things :

1. The willingness to experiment and explore
2. An open, unbiased and strong mind

(both of which can be acquired).

 But in the hope of making the process more objective and therefore more effective, one might choose to use the sheet embedded below.Also, I suggest, for some years, keep your new understanding of self without announcing it to others simply because, it is better to keep quiet than to speak what might be untrue or inaccurate.


I still hold that Meditation is the single most effective way of developing awareness. There is no substitute for it. But, if you are having trouble to begin with it (which I think is quite common and natural), you can make use of this sheet as a warming up exercise. 

Below is a short video to serve as an introduction to the process of meditation.

Coming back to the point, There are two behavior Observation sheets in this post, designed with one purpose in mind  - to get a better insight into self behavior and psyche.

You can download these sheets from the links below, or print them or alternatively replicate your own sheet for this purpose. 

How to use the self  Behavior observation sheet :

1. First and foremost, be honest with yourself when you use it.You do not have to show it to anyone, you may consider using it solely for your own development.

2. You do not necessarily need to record each occurrence of the day, this might not be practical either. You may just choose to record those happenings which were more significant. What is significant and what is not, you have to be the best judge of it, because you are the one who is doing the research on yourself.
For example : "I brushed my teeth"  - might not be so noteworthy. But...

"I cut myself while shaving and that gave me pain"  OR  "my baby wanted to talk to me and could not talk because of my lack of time" -  such occurrences are very important and might be noteworthy.

3. For how long you must you use this sheet? The longer the better. But I suggest if you cannot go on for very long, or do not wish to,  try and do it for at least a week, few weeks.

4. When you use them, keep the used sheets in a safe place for later reference.

5. Many times one might have difficulty categorizing the behavior and the occurrence of that behavior, please feel free to email me, if that happens (details given below).


Note About Sheets below :

• You can use the maximize and minimize buttons on the top right hand corner of the document, in order to see it properly.
• You can use the two scroll bars on the right and the bottom of the document
• If you click on the "arrow mark" on the right of the document, it will open in a new window and you can print /download it from there.
• The first sheet is an example, to show the usage.

If you face any problem in using this sheet, Please feel free to get back to me. Email address: wecognized@aol.com

If you have practiced self observation/ introspection in any form, and have experiences to share, kindly click on "comments" below.

Where to ask questions...

There is an update to this article : Self Behavior observation- Tools for introspection

We all have them. Having questions and curiosities is like "nutrition" for the (growing) Human mind.  This article is specifically referring to questions which are more Philosophical in nature rather than informative (factual).  Although philosophy itself can be called the process of  "Fact or truth finding". One can read this Wikipedia article for understanding the difference.

Why is asking those questions so important ? Well, because otherwise the growth that happens (if any) will not be monitored. The person who does not guard his/her own growth, will grow involuntarily and will not be able to "pave" his/her own path.  To understand this better, let us take an example of a weed as compared to a carefully planted sapling.  

Both will "grow" but there is a huge difference in their growths :

- Weed will grow by itself but will not be of any use to itself or anyone else. Plant on the other hand will be carefully cultivated.

- Weed will be most often seen as a nuisance by the other members of the society. But plants often get loved and respected by people.

- When the plant grows into a tree, it lives a life of service to the society and thus living a life of purpose. Unlike weeds.

- Plants, unlike weeds will have beautiful flowers, smelling great, they are a treat to the
senses too.  :)

No ! Plants (as much as we know) are not capable of this "awareness" , but we humans are !!!  

The Question :

Am I growing into a weed OR  a useful plant ? 

(might be a harsh, yes, but asking it is important for self development).

Anyone who examines, re-examines and tries to find answers for life's problems, will definitely have a life of purpose.  And the purpose here is not to reproduce, and have have children well settled, earning more and more money, But the reference here is to a greater purpose than that.
If one finds it, happiness will come following that  "Sense of purpose in life". To understand this, you may choose to go ahead and read this article in psychology today.

Once we understand the significance of questions in our life, the next step is where to go for the answers ??  How to find them ??

Life is surely difficult.  Most people do not have the time and/or the mental energy to ponder on things and "questions" like this.  Also technology today, has given us a great tool to find answers -  the Internet and the Search Engines !!

Search engines are a great tool, it has been such a life saver for school and college projects ! The Internet has given us almost everything we need  ?? Think again,  EVERYTHING ??

There are things that no one can give to us, except ourselves.  That is the reason why, when  we seemingly have all things in life, we still remain unhappy or discontent. Happiness comes but goes away quickly again.  

If we want permanent, satisfying answers to life's harsh realities, we must seek the answers inside of us, not in the outside world. In fact the more one begins to depend on self for finding "the answers", the more  that person will grow.  Just to point out, Meditation might be a great tool for this  - growing into a flowering plant that gives relief to all senses.

There is immense joy in working on our own problems ourselves.  No one, absolutely, no one can answer your questions for you the way you can !! Yes people can help you, but only you can find  the ultimate answers.

Conclusion : If you want a more satisfying experience of life, begin to find the answers "inside" your mind, yourself.

The path might be difficult, but once the destination is found,  It is the garden of Eden......nothing like it  !!

Be sure to try it sometime. Whether you are beginning or are already on the way, no matter, please click "comment" below and share your experiences and thoughts.

Thank you Google for the help with Images   :)

Three preliminary steps to finding "peace of mind"

Each being in this world , only desires one thing - "Happiness". He tries and tries multiple ways to achieve the simple little things in life. And happiness does come, but goes away soon. Thus the effort for achieving "something" begins once again !!!  This is a never ending process.  

This race with self, time and the world can be understood in technical language as 

 "self actualization".    Some people know it as "Nirvana"

And every being, somewhere deep inside, drives for  it. Even if they are not specifically aware of it.

This is an effort to grow and motivate  others grow...grow Together.

To COGNIZE  is to perceive, become conscious, grow - check it on Dictionary.com

Preliminary Steps for finding 

peace of mind  (and Hence, the goals of this place) :

- To "think" , think and think

Choosing to think and ponder over issues means that one has chosen not to ignore them. If one chooses to deliberately think about things, in the end, they will always find the "true" answer to the questions and issues at hand.

- To "question" our own beliefs and that which are widespread in the society.

   To simply accept what is going on around oneself and inside oneself is not like a "growing person". Beliefs are formed  due to many factors. It is a sign of a "mature mind" that  they learn to question their own beliefs again and again.

Because, what was true yesterday in a given situation might not be true today, the situations might have changed. The goal is to be skeptical of everything and accept them only after inspection.

To keep up with the "law of change" one has to keep questioning belief systems.

- To "analyze"  life and every aspect that touches it.

    Thinking about and questioning all aspects of life is a part of analysis. However to complete the process in a proper manner one has to be able to do it in an "Un-Biased" manner. Being unbiased, truthful and honest to self is very important in this search for the reality, the truth.

Therefore , in the midst of a busy, stressful life to find a way for  "Self realization".

Remember, these are the very basic and preliminary steps to finding peace. If you follow these steps, at first you might be facing trouble, but at the end of the road, you WILL find peace, provided, you are prepared to walk till the very end. There are no gains without pains  :)

You might also consider reading this.

              

If you would like to be a part of this effort and share your experiences, Please subscribe for updates by entering your email address below OR subscribe in reader (on the left hand side of the page).

Also please consider sharing this information with the others, 

by clicking the share button below.

Ladies !! Why not pray to Hanuman "Bhaiyya" ???

My lifelong search for the supreme power has led me to a way of life different from "idol worship". But I respect all those who practice it.

This post is for those people who believe in "a particular"  Hindu God and and are devout worshipers.  Some adore "Ganpati" (symbol of wisdom and trouble remover), some "Laxmi" (the symbol of prosperity), some adore "Saraswati" (the symbol of knowledge and education) and some others pray to Lord "Hanuman" -  the western world knows him as the "monkey God"  and he is the symbol of strength, power, wisdom, friendship. This post is for Devout Hanuman worshipers.

Now the thing is that Hanuman is said to have been "Bal Brahmchaari" (a celibate, since birth) some people who believe in Hanuman and worship him, also believe that it is only for men to worship him and women "MUST" keep away from his thoughts or his worship.

MY QUESTION : 

Why should women keep away from worshipping Hanuman just because he was a Brahmchaari OR celibate ? Is there only one kind of relationship between men and women ??

Logically, if a woman is being raped and she urges Hanuman for help, what kind of reply do you think he would give : 

" I will not help you because you are a woman"

Or 

"yes my dear sister/daughter even before you tell me, I will fight all the evil to protect all the innocent"

Which reply seems more likely to you ??

My conclusion, there is nothing wrong with the concept of women worshiping hanuman.

Why I made this conclusion, the points are listed below for further thought :

1.  A "brahmchaari" is a person who keeps away from sexual relationships.  But this does not mean that brahmchaari's do  not have sisters, mothers, adopted daughters and so on...

 So a Bramhchaari or a Baal-Brahmchaari can very well have women in his life with all the other relationships but not sex.  Hanuman, was no different.

2. Hanuman had a very good relationship with  "Sita" who was a woman and Ram's wife. He called her "sister- in law" with respect. (Literature says so) . Infact he even offered her to take her with him from Raavan's palace back to where her husband was waiting for her. This point supports my point number one. 

3. Hanuman is the protector of "good" and he fights evil. he will do it without any kind of discrimination because discrimination itself promotes evil.

If you think I have missed something, please make a comment and add your suggestions.

Intelligence and Wisdom !!

"Wisdom"  is a concept that is often (Wrongly) associated with age.  For if you notice, you will always find dumb people in all age groups  :)  Wisdom is also something that few seem to really "Seek" today.

Parents want their children to be intelligent and very intelligent. Many parents even proudly declare this in their social circles.

                             "My child is very intelligent"

The reason behind this may be that in today's highly competitive world, intelligence and more intelligence is what is required to get a simple secure job, to have a modestly decent life.  Wisdom does not "seem" to give any major advantages. I mean, people will not seek wisdom until they achieve a basic stability in life. And what happens after that ?  After gaining the stability, people are usually lost in maintaining it. Therefore, they have to deal with politics in home and work place, own a home, pay the bills, keep the partner happy, make a secure future for the children and so on...........

Our society today promotes us to gain more material things than internal things. Wisdom is lost !!  And the reasons are natural..."stress".

In these situations one might often think

                   "But  life is going good...then why should one seek Wisdom ??"

 Wisdom can be a natural shield against stress and competition. Read on the following article to grasp as to why, you "must"  draw your attention towards achieving wisdom. I am drawing some points here for further thought :

1. Intelligence is mostly involuntary...

   

 But wisdom will not come without active "seeking".

2. Intelligence can give you a necessary thing "Income" and other things like fame, money, power

     But Wisdom will give you something after which, all the above will sound almost redundant and funny.  :)

3. Intelligence and the things that it can bring with it can be all lost with time....

    For Example :  with aging mental faculties might show a decrease.

    Wisdom on the other hand.. only and only increases with time.  If you begin with it young, by the time you are old, you should be able to pass it on to the others....And you will not die a poor person, you will die richer   :)

4. Intelligence cannot be shared with anyone

    Wisdom on the other hand,  Multiplies and brings even more joy when encouraged in others ...

5.Wisdom will give you "something"  that is going to bring you the ultimate Joy, eternal bliss.  Once you have wisdom, you do not need to " depend " upon  anything External, like:- expensive cars, expensive homes, expensive clothing, smart phones, i-pads and other of such devices, Alcohol and drugs, the opposite sex....and anything else that you can think of.. that is external and which is not a part of  "you".

Abundance of Eternal bliss (which is hidden somewhere inside) will spring from the inside of you. and you will not have to "depend" on anything outside  !!!   How Amazing it sounds to me !!!!

So I think considering all of the above and more points that I may not have mentioned here...

It is time, that we begin to "Dig"  within our self .. so that we can find that ultimate jewel box  hidden inside of us. 

This Dig is going to be long., testing and full of hurdles though. Nothing in this world comes for free.

PS:  This  and This are excellent articles on this concept. Both will tell you about the dangers of Intelligence. After you read them come back here and read about the benefits of wisdom !!

Cheers !!  :) 

Thank you Google, for help with the images  :)

Mistakes we make....

As human beings we all make mistakes. When we look back at life, we realize that

some mistakes we made were more serious than some others. 

It is only human to make mistakes... It  takes a "growing mature human"  to acknowledge those mistakes and accept them at the intellectual and emotional level.  

Some people prefer to hide the mistakes they make from their younger ones , even from themselves by denying ("Denial" is a defense mechanism that all human beings use, this use is reduced in some mature human beings).

But human beings tend to take for granted that : 

1.  Truth will always come out in one way or the other

2.  They are constantly setting example for their young one's by how they choose to live their life.

3. Even if we hide it/deny it,  out behavior has and will always have an effect on out personality, it is better that we acknowledge the facts and change the course of life towards having a clear (er) conscience...

Yes,  when we are not used to doing this, it seems obviously a difficult job. But it is very important that by doing the right behavior we set an example for those are younger to us, specially our direct descedents.

To err is human; to forgive, divine.
Alexander Pope

PS : I have posted the pics in both English and Hindi ,

the two languages I seem to know the best :)

Birds Walk

Last year I had been to Chapel hill in North Carolina. My husband had a conference there, and I decided to fly along with him. As always I kept clicking at every other thing that caught my interest and attention in the hopes that I might just catch something very nice. My efforts paid, when I was sitting outside the Radission Hotel one day, in the research triangle park.
It was a huge green area, as we know Chapel Hill is very green ! and I saw a flock of geese there. I was watching them and taking pictures when I was highly impressed by their behavior. They all formed one line and started walking in one direction behind each other !!! 

 I wondered has it got to do with the famous "goose walk/goose step" ?  I am not an expert in Bird behavior or Geese behavior of that matter, I tried searching but did not find much. If you the reader, have something to share with the others please do put in the comments.

You can have a look at the video below and enjoy.Also try to decipher what does it say ? Does it say, "listen men ! We are somewhat more intelligent than you you think. We have our own rules !" ?

PS :The video quality is not great but it is just 01:12 long.

The love for animals

There are some people who love animals, there are others who don't. Then there are some who work very passionately for animals, the reason they say - We Love them ! Understandable, they love them so they help them. But we all have friends who think they love animals, but also indulge into actions which are harmful or hurting to them. They love animals, but seldom/never become a part of their welfare. How is that ? So I started searching the answer to this question, is this love for animals or just Fascination for animals ?

PS : Just a reminder, Love and fascination both are positive emotions.

 After my search I deduced these two main points of thought:

Love:We all have some loving relationships in life, so we all have experienced what love is, and how one feels in it. I think you will agree that in love what gives the most amount of  joy is "to give". We do expect returns, Yes, but to give to someone we love gives us special contentment and bliss.And to give and make the other happy is the primary feeling in love.

Fascination:Whereas in fascination or mere liking, the primary feeling is the joy that people derive in being with their beloved.So talking in context of animals, they are really happy and impressed in animal company or looking at animal behavior.They appreciate the unconditional love that animals are known to give. But this is not love for animals because the the primary feeling here does not involve the feeling "to give", even at the cost of some personal sacrifice. 

Love : As I said above in love we want to give to the beloved. There is also another opposite extreme to this.When we love, will seldom "consciously" (if ever) indulge into behaviors which we know are going to harm our beloved. Their suffering or pain  will also give us pain which we all want to avoid at all costs, unless we know that this pain is temporary and in the long run it will be beneficial for our beloved.

Fascination : As we know that many people who think that they love animals also indulge into other behaviors which are harmful to animals like eating them, wearing their skins etc.. This behavior is at the other end of "the feeling to give". This is not just the lack of the feeling to give but the "feeling to take" is rated so high here that, it can hardy be called love for animals Whether this can even be called fascination is the question ?

People fascinated by animals :

• It can be very easy to get confused between the two feelings because both are positive. And it involves some analytical thinking and introspection to understand and differentiate between the two.

• What they really mean when they say that "We love animals" is that we are "fascinated by animals". 

• What they want to say is that animals are charming, cuddly little beings whom we appreciate and like.

Valentina !!

Just a few hours back , I was writing about the variety of Human psyche . Now I came across an amazing story that I could not miss because it showed the positive side of Human psyche. While there are some who are busy with the work of destruction, there are others who indulge into such Humane behaviors that no amount of thank you in enough for them ! That also reminds of the story of tiger and Tim, these are exactly the kind of people that  Tim was referring to in his conversation with the Tiger.

Getting to the point, some gentle human beings were in the seas of Mexico when they came across a Humpback whale who appeared to be dead. Then they realized that the Whale (whom they called Valentina, since this was on Valentine's day 2011) was not dead but was entangled in a fishing net put by some people obviously on the other side of the human psyche continuum ! Now they had the task to free her from the highly entangled fishing net as soon as possible, but all they had was a small knife as a tool. They had the whole thing filmed, and I have provided that video below. You can see the whole story of the rescue of Valentina. The reward of this hard and dangerous work came at the end when they actually saw Valentina celebrating her new Life and freedom ! What real Joy was that to me too, and I am sure you will love watching her jumping high in waters. Truly,Valentina proved that life and freedom are absolutely priceless !!!

And by the way, the people who helped Valentina save her life were no Ordinary people. They are from an organisation called "Great Whale Conservancy" . So they are continuously working towards saving the whale population. The co- founder of this organisation Michael Fishbach was also involved in this rescue, thank you all you great men and women !

People who like to "HEAR" the "famous singing" of these majestic creatures can use this link to the National geographic.

Choosing a perfect Life Partner

We all need a life partner who can share the joys and sorrows of life with us. A life partner is a person who will occupy a very important place in our life. A person with whom we like to walk till the very end of the road.. We all want our life to be as close to "an ideal life" as possible and we all have our opinions about what an ideal life is. Because of the amount of  impact this person is going to have on our life, and the position he/she will hold for us, we want to be so sure that we find the best partner or should I say, a "perfect partner".

So what do we typically look for in a partner ?? Men and women have different parameters to consider in their prospective partners. Psychologists have spent years researching this topic and these are some of the points they concluded :

Most women predominantly get attracted to men who :

- Have power
- Are rich
- have a strong status in the society.
- are physically strong.

Most men predominantly get attracted to women :

- who are have a symmetric face.
- who show signs of good health
- who have a good waist to hip ratio :) (waists being narrower and the hips being broader).


 Let me also point out  that these selection factors that I mentioned above, happen in the heads of the people unconsciously, and they are not necessarily aware of such thoughts and processes.
Choices and preferences still vary from people to people. The more they are in an ideal (or at least imaginary ideal) positions, the higher the standards for their prospective life partners are likely to be.

So,we now know why women and beauty and men and power were overly paired together always !! :) But we also know that such a strong association which is done without complete conscious awareness, can lead to serious personality problems in some members of  society. This is just one reason why we need to look beyond perfection in people.

When we look at people as prospective partners, we are sure to find something in their personality which we dislike. We always have things about ourselves, our friends, family members, that we wish we could change. If we really look closely at people we know, how many of us can really claim to know a person who is perfect ?? Perfect in a sense, without ANY flaws ! I think most people will agree that finding such a person is only next to impossible !!

As I have always said, we all have this knowledge, but it not the knowledge but the awareness or "cognizance" that counts. Just like any change is difficult to accept a change to our marital status in the society, being associated to a new person too can sometimes be a little difficult for some people irrespective of the partner's social status. (here I am specially referring to arranged marriages).

There can be no perfect person, only near perfect matchmaking. How close the match is to perfection, depends largely on the two people involved in it.Therefore the threshold and meaning of perfection have to be seriously considered.
Wiser people will know this and will accept a person with his/her flaws so that they can also expect to be accepted the same way :) Wise people will learn this the hard way.. and there will still be others who will have so much of a problem learning this truth that, they will never be able to enjoy life to the fullest !.


Image courtesy : Google images

Mothers Who Were Never Pregnant !!

The word I like to utter again and again and again non stop is "mummy" or "mommy" . This word by itself is very sweet. I think most of you will agree with me ?

What makes the word so sweet.. the sound of it ? I think it is the feeling that the word gives us just as we utter it that makes it so beautiful. The feeling of being cozy, being in a very safe place - her laps, being loved and kissed endlessly :) Who will not like to be cared like this ? Without doubt nobody on earth can replace mothers :)

But who is a mother ? The woman who gives birth to a child ? I think there is more meaning to this word. I have seen many people working tirelessly towards fulfilling needs of others who were not necessarily born to them. Many a times it is as selfless and unconditional too. So what if they have not given birth to the one they care for, I think it is motherly love and care that matters the most. Sadly, many times society does fail to realize the importance of many such people living in their very neighborhoods. I think, They need to be respected and loved just like a mother is respected and loved. In fact, I think most of you will agree that this kind of motherhood is much more difficult. Consider how easy or difficult it is it to be around a very ill person (who is not your biological child) and is bedridden for a few days and needs someone to be there with them ?

Social workers - Who are not working for money, contribute their psychological and physical resources to taking care of any particular given group. Yes, sometimes altruism is not the sole motivating factor for some, but why should the rest be punished ?Many social workers actually undergo tremendous pain in life for the work that they do for the needy . Yet sometimes fail to get recognized for their sacrifices and selfless motives !! I think recognition of their efforts is very important for the benefit of the society.

In fact many cultures like Christianity and Hinduism even have words like "Mata" (means mother in Hindi) and "Mother" referring to non biological mothers.Well, The first name that comes to my mind is Mother Teressa.

Image coutesy : Google images

Is this really a virtual world ? - Dedicated to Indian Home Maker and her daughter "Tejaswee"

I have always been calling the internet the virtual world. The friends I made there, I called the friends of the virtual world. Most often I do not meet face to face with my friends of the virtual world. With some such friends I share lots of interests, habits and hobbies too.We make all kinds of friends on the internet, some get more connected to us some are less connected. But there are some people who have something in them which allows other people to trust them more. I had no idea that the bonds with people whom we have not seen or spoken can be so strong !!

Only yesterday night when I came to know about the death of one of my blogger friend's teen aged daughter , I realized this.The Indian Home Maker (popularly called IHM), a very liked and famous blogger. Tejaswee was her daughter. I did not know her name, I never saw her. When yesterday night I came to know of this recent tragedy in her life, I suddenly realized how much I felt connected to her.This was the first time I saw her daughters face, came to know about some facts of her life.

From what I know of IHM through her posts, her thoughts and her conversations with me , I am sure Tejaswee was one person whom we all desperately needed with us here. It is difficult to explain how I felt. I then introspected about my connection with IHM and decided to write about it.

Two of Tejaswee's writings that I liked the most, I am creating a link for them.

1. A letter to the future (that she wrote for her future daughter).

2. On growing old and dying early.

No matter what I do , what I say, I know I cannot reduce your pain IHM...I just want you to know that I too am one of the many persons who love you for the kind of person that you are. I want to share your pains with you.

Education just for money ?

Anuj (an imaginary name) is a very well read man. His general knowledge is very good and the number of books in his home is unmatched with the average man. He has even earned a prestigious degree. You ask him one question and he is most of the time in the position to answer more than you expected :)

But if you watch him carefully, you will find him spitting on the road and throwing away anything waste anywhere in the public place. He could not manage having healthy relationship with his immediate family members. He lacks Assertiveness. In other words... his behavior is not the kind which one could exemplify to the younger generation and even fellowmen.

THE QUESTION/S :

Is Education a mere collection of data and information in this personal computer called brain?

Or is it meant to be showing up in people's very subtle behaviors? Is getting a high paid job the prime reason behind being/getting educated?

Is making a good family/society/life not a major reason?

Well, this is what Wikipedia has to say about the word education.

I think, when we call someone an educated person or for that matter when we call ourselves educated we rarely ever think of this word "education" beyond the collection of degrees and general knowledge. I think the meaning and implications of this word has frequently changed in this competitive society.

But why is it important to consider the appropriate meaning and of this word "education" ? Simply because it has a very very important and wide impact on the society and its ways. We want an educated society so that we have a healthy and a happy society with lesser problems. But if we happen to limit the meaning and implication of this word to mere collection of degrees then we shall have more people in the society who have never assimilated the good things that they learned in school and college. If the learning does not get assimilated then it will not show up in behavior, taking us to a society which is highly "paper educated" but lesser truly educated. And that is what is happening to us today slowly as we progress in numbers.

That is why we have so many educated people who still believe in (and practice very seriously) behaviors like sex selection of the offspring, wife battering, inequality of all kinds, violence,(both physical and psychological which is very common), mismanagement of public properties such as throwing away of religious waste in water bodies, creating noise pollution and graffiti on our historical walls, unhealthy relationships and so on...

Like, I would like to share a happening that I can relate to this post very well. It was Diwali 2009, and little children were playing firecrackers. Then I saw some nearby children (of people who live below poverty line) coming to our building and sitting in one corner of the compound - the reason of them coming there as I understand was that, their parents could not afford to buy those cracker toys for them and so they were attracted towards (at least)watching the other children play ! Since it was a party that we (as a community) arranged we had dinner too. One sweet lady from our community offered something to eat to one of those children. And the other said to this sweet woman -"aap log hi aise logon ko sar par chadhaate ho !! " ( (Approximate meaning it is people like you who encourage such people !!)

So the choice is ours !! What kind of a society do we want for us and our next generation?



Image Courtesy: photobucket.com

Are you reluctant to critics and critisism ?

What's your most common reaction to criticism  directed towards you?

Some people associate being critical with being less faithful , less sincere and such other negative feelings. But the question at hand is that is it really so ?

Personally for me, I have noticed when someone/something is very near and close to me I feel more free to be critical of that person or thing. For example, Let me begin with myself .. I think I am biggest critic of my own personality, and I do this purposefully in order to grow. No criticism , no growth for me (But I also remember to take care of the positive points). Same holds true for my loved ones, my work, some of  my close friends, and everyone/everything that I think is close to me and is mine !

But  when it comes to giving an ear to criticism it's not that easy for everyone, I guess first we need to analyze if it is really important to us and then we need to also "learn the art of accepting criticism". Since I am such a big critic, It's easy for me to critically analyze all things that are around me. When I do that I am almost always doing it because I love the one I criticize and I do it with the goal of growth in my mind :).  Once I was talking to my friend about my country and it's many shortcomings,  (who I later realized was not so open to listening to my criticism and took it not as a  token of my love for my country but otherwise) where I was comparing it to another  more developed nation...and it was not taken in good spirits of course. Then I gave a thought to the whole situation and questioned myself.... was I wrong ? I have noticed so many people getting on their nerves when they listen to ANYTHING negative about what is their own or what they associalte with their identity.

My question is that if we remain so anti criticism, how the hell on earth do we expect ourselfs to improve ? Then the only other way out is to not improve !!   :) 

There are two major beliefs that are anti criticism :

1. Some people seem to believe that criticizing or listening to any criticism for someone/something that is their own is equal to being unfaithful or insincere. Such people react very emotionally to criticism and are less likely to "GROW"  from it. For example : I know of a man who just knows many of his fathers shortcomings but always denies them when confronted. 

2. Some people believe that Criticism is something that is negative and bad. They have probably always overlooked its benefits and uses.

Some points in this regard to consider :

1. We all play the critics at some point or the other for someone or the other.

2. Criticism can be difficult to accept (at least immediately) but if taken in the right spirits can be really helpful in the development process.

3. All criticisms are open to either acceptance or rejection but before accepting or rejecting a piece of criticism, we need to analyze it RATIONALLY.


4. Those who can accept criticism and give a thought over it, are most likely to be very confident people.


5. Criticism as a growth technique should not be offered (or should be sparingly offered) to people who have a low self image or a low confidence as it might lead to more problems instead of help !

I found this article on ehow about  how to deal with criticism , for anyone who might be interested.

By the way, this blog and the blog post/s are open to critics and criticism, In fact they are welcome !!!  :)

Image courtesy : Photobucket.com and Google image search.

The Indian daughters in Law: What goes wrong in the adjustment process after marriage?

When a girl gets married in India, there is one most common piece of advice given to her.

“You have to adjust in the new environment that you are moving to. It is your responsibility that you keep everyone in your new family happy”.

Then as she enters her new home which is often a completely unfamiliar and unknown environment, all the eyes are set on her, all expectations are made from her and her only. She is judged and rated at every step that she takes [even on things that she cannot change. For example her physical features]. The fact is that because the girl is often very nervous and less experienced to know all the “rules”, it is natural for her if she makes some silly mistakes or fails to come up to the many expectations from her.

The Question:

Is it the only the newly wed girl’s responsibility to adjust to the change which came about by marriage? Is the family that she newly became a part of, not equally responsible for it?

When a marriage happens (especially in the Indian context) it is not only the couple who is undergoing a change of life. It is often the whole immediate family members who are entering a new phase of life. Because there is a change in everybody’s life, it might be rational to say that everybody should be equally responsible for taking the plunge into the adjustment process and not just the new bride. In reality, the newly wed girl is responsible for this adjustment and if anything goes wrong, she is held for it without any major thought given to the situation. It is worth noting that anyone in the family who is “genuinely interested” in having a happy family and life long of sweeter relationships, should take his/her share in this adjustment to change.

Some points worth noting in connection to the above question:

1. Often in a marriage the girl who has just got married is in a minority position. She has to face a majority of people in her new family.

2. The girl is likely to be young, less experienced and nervous.

3. If the adjustment process will be shared by everybody in the family equally, the adjustment and the relationships will be highly likely to be much better.

4. It is irrational and baseless to have one sided expectations when the relationships are always two/multi sided.

I am sure you too, like me have seen so many families which end up breaking or end up having most the bitter relationships. May be this is one major reason for it ? What do you say ?

Image courtesy : cgtantra.com and google image search.